Turning Point
A noted day of remembrance
Today marks an end to an era of my life. I feel tears and emotion, as someone I was acquainted with has passed. His wife and child had been also acquaintances through someone whom I dated and was engaged to back in 2004 and 2005. Bob Mueller, also known as Robert S. Mueller III, passed Friday evening based on API news report I read earlier today. My previous and very close to marriage partner, was a friend over many years with Bob through different areas of the country and churches/cathedral was Spencer Morgan Rice. Spencer was the man I met through happenstance at the church where I was ushering, Christ Church Georgetown in 2004. Spencer’s second wife had generations of leaders in the Episcopalian structure as well as hymn writers used to this day in churches. Spencer’s second wife really supported and helped Spencer flourish in his career in ministry. Spencer was talented, smart, and attractive, though he was dealing with dyslexia and blindness in one eye during stages of his life. He passed within a year of my mother’s passing; I was caring for my mother full-time as I felt I was meant to do so in this lifetime.
Bob was a personable, attractive man. He was bright, dedicated to doing right in the world. He was dedicated during the time I knew him to doing good in the world. He was not a political person based on my understanding and perception. His strength was knowledge and analysis. My take was he was not a political player which also has been noted in the media.
Today my heart opened with tears as my memory took me back to the man I had been engaged to. That man, Spencer, was bright, often quick witted, and physically attractive. He initially had become my strong advocate when my remaining immediate bloodline family was not supporting my thriving. Spencer and I worked and played well together for a time. Over time, things unbeknownst to me revealed themselves and we both realized at different times that our needs for the longer term were different. Sometimes relationships seem to isolate areas where we need to grow and develop within our own selves. There were unexpected misunderstandings that arose over time and yet I still respected him for the man whom I initially met. Sometimes there is an awkwardness when mistakes of turns seem to confuse the reasons for taking the path we walk down.
Spencer brought me to a feeling of support that I was not experiencing with my mother and brother, et al. My father who was a difficult, yet brilliant man who truly cared for me and provided me with his devotion, love in the way he could best express, and all all he could at his time, until he passed when he passed when I was 28 years old. After my dad’s passing, it was not until 2004-2005 where I felt validated., heard, and respected in a relationship.
Spencer’s and my health challenges shed light on the future expectations in and on the relationship. Without going into the depth more than I have, it is to say there are times in life that are turnkey - a significant change in some way.
What I learned from Spencer was that circumstances from his early life, his growing up environment, his dyslexia, and his rise to great prominence within the Episcopalian priesthood, rector of what had the been the largest Episcopalian church in the United States, Trinity Church Copley Square in Boston, Massachusetts - they all shaped his understanding of the world and people. Yet his true self was hidden or cloaked, as pushing for success and focusing on what he could do, versus the past traumas. His second wife’s death, I understand, took a toll on his health at certain points, as his wife seemed to be such a great connector with others and also knew the inner workings of the Episcopalian faith and institutions.
During my time in my relationship with Spencer, I became more cognizant to really hear people and what they are saying. Spencer was sharing or teaching me on how to be a better guide, advisor to others. While I was not and am not within a religious context, I have found I am better able to guide someone on their path. I add value better with understanding the person and their task, challenge or dilemma.